I’m Jen
Mum to two beautifully different boys. When my youngest son was slow to reach his developmental milestones, I knew in my heart he was neurodivergent. His only word for a long time was " Mamma."
Diagnosed Autistic with dyspraxia I felt overwhelmed, confused, and a huge sense of guilt. I was living each day walking on eggshells feeling totally out of control.
I didn't understand his world, and I was losing a sense of myself trying to be the perfect mum and failing miserably. Knowledge is power, so I learned everything I could to help him and get him the support he deserves. But my mental health was at rock bottom.
I realised that to be indeed the mum he needed me to be. I'd been consumed with generational judgements, and I was angry! I had to sort my head out.
After opening up about my own Bulimia battle and later being diagnosed with PTSD, I worked to end the destructive cycle. The more I learned, the more tolerance, patience and understanding I had towards my son. Our connection is stronger than ever.
I’ve been there, I get it and I can help you navigate your way.
xx
Overwhelmed, Anxious, Angry, and Judged
A few of the raw and painful emotions I’ve felt since having an Autistic child.
From the moment I realised my son was neurodivergent I felt flooded with emotions but struggled to understand them. I felt swept up in a tidal wave of confusion and anxiety for the future. His future, our future as a family and my own! What did this all mean? How would I cope? Was he going to be OK?
The judgements were coming in thick and fast. I became hyper-aware of everyone else's reactions. All I could hear was tutting tongues and exaggerated eye rolling as my son would scream and roll around on the floor in obvious distress! Appropriate behavior's, social expectations and generational beliefs had my head spinning. I was trying to control something I didn’t understand whilst trying to please others around me and conform. I was so desperate to fit in. I wanted to do what other mums and their kids were doing, but I felt like life was being sucked out of me. I would hurry away from playdates, desperately wondering why it was so hard.
The day he was formally diagnosed on the NHS, the receptionist told me, “Sorry, your gonna have to control your son; there are other patients in the waiting room” One of the many comments I’ve received along the way. It was then I realised I needed to learn as much as possible, because if these people didn’t get it, what would I do? Every time we went out to the park, to a coffee shop or supermarket, I was triggered. Mainly by other people's reactions, and I wasn’t coping. I felt depressed.
I booked some CBT sessions in the hope I would feel better. I felt like I’d opened Pandora's box, and if anything, I felt worse! My nervous system was in overdrive. I began more work on myself and tried talking therapy, self-help books, mindfulness, psychotherapy and group therapies. I developed a keen interest in psychology, especially around generational beliefs and values, and began to understand why I felt the way I did. I unpicked all the information I’d learnt and cherry-picked the best tools and strategies that worked for me.
My values and beliefs were not aligning and I was not living authentically. Once I could challenge this nervous system calmed down drastically. The more I practised my new skills, the more I could regulate myself. This had a knock-on effect on my son, and I realised how in tune we were.
We have an unbreakable connection and I understand him and accept him wholeheartedly.
I now want to help other parents of neurodivergent kids to live a calm and contented life.
